Mommy guilt

I'm starting to REALLY think about my classes this fall, so out comes the white legal pad, my new textbooks, lots of colored pens, and my zip drive, all of which get parked in front of the computer, with hopes that creative ideas will begin to appear somewhere in this vicinity.

The other thing I take out with all of my equipment is my guilt. I want to be a stay-at-home mom, but right now, this is not a choice I/we can make without creating a whole host of other problems that don't have any visible solutions. So that's that.

So I pull out the guilt again tonight, and I look at it squarely in the face, and I don't really know what to do with it or how to put it away. It is this guilt that makes each teaching day hard for me--it's not the work, or the endless piles of essays to grade, or the committee meetings, or student conferences. The hard part is the feeling I have that I am short-changing my children, especially my daughter.
I'm getting that sinking feeling in my chest even as I write this, because I know that days of summer are numbered, and off we will go in separate directions in about 3 weeks.

I happened upon this blog article at www.5minutesforparenting and it provided another perspective for me tonight. I'm going to think about what she is saying over the next few days. Here is her post:

July 15, 2008
If Every Mom Were a Stay-At-Home Mom

By Veronica

If every mom were a stay-at-home mom, the public schools would shut down due to a lack of teachers.

If every mom were a stay-at-home mom, giving birth would become much more dangerous. All those mothers who are midwives and OBGYNS would disappear. The hospitals could not staff enough nurses for basic patient care. The pregnant women who already must drive twenty miles to a birth unit might have to drive fifty.

If every mom were a stay-at-home mom, I would lose my pediatrician. My kids would go farther and wait longer to see a doctor. My sister's clients - children with neurological disorders - would spend years on waiting lists before seeing another physical therapist who specializes in their treatment.

If every mom were a stay-at-home mom, some of the most brilliant scholars I know would not be available to affect the lives and minds of students. My children's future education would be immeasurably the poorer.

This stay-at-home mom has one thing to say to the moms who leave home to earn a paycheck at a job worth doing: thank you. Thank you for caring for patients and protecting citizens. Thank you for repairing our streets and driving our buses and picking up our garbage. Thank you for writing our newspapers and teaching our kids. Thank you for being an example to my daughters of the many options they have in adult life. Thank you for making my decision to be a stay-at-home mom a real choice.

The media-manufactured "Mommy Wars" tell us that mothers resent and judge each other. Sometimes we do. But sometimes we recognize that the world needs different people to make different choices. The truth is that as we all struggle to provide the best for our kids, we can't make it without each other. Your choices affect me, and mine affect you. We really are all in this together.

So the next time a belittling feature on a morning news program tries to exploit you emotionally; the next time a snooty mom at play group or school treats you like you are just a "part-time" mom; the next time you feel isolated and unappreciated in the challenges you face, please, come back and read this thank you again.

Because it will still be true.

Veronica Mitchell also posts at Toddled Dredge.

I'd like to know what you all think. Please post.
Jana