An undivided heart
Several years ago, our friend Ben put the words to Psalm 86:11 to music, creating a powerful song for our worship time: "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."
I have been thinking about that Psalm tonight, and it really struck a raw nerve.
We are facing some major decisions in the very near future, and behind those decisions--for me--are several years of living with a VERY divided heart. I don't know how else to describe it.
I thought that by this time in my life, I would have it more together spiritually. During the last few years, I feel as if I have regressed instead of grown, and that my "life purpose" is less clear than it has ever been. I am experiencing less Christian community now than at any other point in my life, and the disconnectedness I feel (branching out in just about every direction)is painful. I've even been thrashing around in the guilt of my past life, slogging around in the pain of lost opportunities and sin. I really don't question God's faithfulness to me; but I am pleading for a time of refreshing and re-energizing. And please, Lord, direction.
So here is my question, to anyone reading this post: What has restored your soul in lean and very dry seasons of your life?
Jana
posted by Jana @ 10:29 PM
3 comments
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3 Comments:
Thank you for being so transparent on the WWW!! Whether we admit it or not, we have all been there -- I think it is just more burdensome to those of us who seek and plead God's will while still hoping that our will gets to count for something, too.
As far as 'life purpose' I wrote about that at one point. It's just to get up every day and acknowledge that God is God, and seek what He would have you do that day. He's not going to show you the final score of the game, or the plays that got you there. You just get to know the play for today -- and it's to be on your knees listening. We DO know that we win in the end by doing that -- and that's supposed to be enough. It rarely is, though, I know.
As far as 'soul restoration', it's different for everyone, and God has even filled my soul in different ways at different times. I think where to start is on your knees and in His word. Purposefully seek in His word for 'peace' and 'hope' -- it's EVERYWHERE! Purposefully seek on your knees His voice and His will for you -- but only for that day, for you will do this all again tomorrow.
I can tell you from the midst of "Christian community" that that isn't all it's cracked up to be, either -- and Satan can use that, also.
You're on 'my list'! I will be praying! Randy Harris said in our class this morning, "If you're in a season of emptiness and never being still then I can assure you that God didn't put you there. That is not of Him." And, I always go to: My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Oh, I could go on. Wish we could sit over a Diet Coke and restore our souls together. Gasoline is only $4/ gallon -- let's do it! :-)
Time with my sister friends Jana, Jana and Trisha...that always does wonders for my soul. :-) I'm on the same continent for awhile...hope we get to see you!
yes--i'm with Cheryl!!!
I have lots of thoughts in response to your blog, but mostly that I can relate all too well. That's as transparent as I can be here on the www!
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